As Zoolander said... "who am I? I guess I have a lot to ponder"
I pondered.
Don't get me wrong I find great worth in the role of mother but sometimes I forget the individual aspects of myself that make me Kali- like how I used to play sports and exercise a lot, do crazy dances, stay up late with my love cuddling and watching movies, make jokes as much as was socially acceptable etc. Don't worry I have never lost sight of the side of me that LOVES treats, proof is in my expanding waistline...oops.
Tonight as I drove to the store to buy baby goods that we ran out of I pondered what Saturday night used to look like.It usually involved getting all dolled up with my best friends for either a date or a fun party or doing something crazy, listening to all the latest music very loud and lots and lots of jokes and laughter. Tonight I had a little derek zoolander moment (who am I??) as I shed tiny tears into my sink full of dishes ( thanks to no dishwasher) I said to myself "I feel like all I am anymore is Jt's nurse/ Miley's babysitter" not even myself... did I even make a joke today or laugh at all?? I only recieved one phone call today- it was an accidental call from my mom's new cell phone. The one new song I found on the radio turns out to be not new at ALL! Let me count my woe's, the first being that I am seriously lame and this post is an example of why.
I find it comical that I was having such a pity party because earlier this week I shed tears of joy for how "absolutely perfect my life, family, future is- blah blah I couldn't ask for anything more" anyway this blog post seriously has no point. In the end I watched a movie I liked while I did the rest of my dishes and I feel quite a bit better. Lets chalk this one up to hormonal changes due to a decrease in breastfeeding. Probably by the time I'm completely back to normal I will be pregnant again... Ain't life grand?
Thanks Motherhood.
on that note. I love religion, husband, and kid.
4 comments:
I think every mom knows exactly how you feel. In my opinion, not that I REALLY know what I am talking about, you HAVE to make some time for you. Probably the obvious answer I suppose, but I just do little things sometimes, like when JR is napping I pass on cleaning the house and watch reality TV instead, or paint my toe nails... or bathe :) Little things that are ALL for me, no one else. Being a mom is tough work! PS the title of the post made me laugh.
Sometimes I wish I was pregnant so I could blame the hormone changes on SOMETHING. Not, well...I got Brinley's poo on my hands today, and I didn't shower until 4pm, and wait...pretty sure I didn't Brush my teeth or my hair, and we haven't been outside today. Those reasons just don't seem to satisfy the beyatchy attitude I casually throw at my hubby. I HATE THAT. Just get me pregnant and you'll just roll your eyes and say, "pregnancy hormones!"
I don't think Moms ever get over this feeling too. I mean, the more kids we have the busier we get and the LESS time we have for ourselves. Instead, find us 10 years down the road and we're living in our car because all 4 kids are at different sports practices, we're eating Mickey D's french fries and getting fat.
Okay. I'm done. Just saying. I really enjoy sewing. Sewing is my time. I'm not good, but I love to try and experiment new things. While in the mean time, my husband usually complains that we don't hang out anymore, but sewing makes me so happy and excited. Which overall will make me a much better wife and mommy.
Amen. That is all I can say :) I fully agree with both parts- the immense love you have for your husband and baby AND the moments of 'who am i?'
AMEN AMEN AMEN! :)
I haven't been my "normal" self in like 2 years! I used ot wonder if I lost who I was, but then I remember that I didn't, my circumstance (pregnancy, breastfeeding, pregnancy) just put that me on the back burner for a little season until I am ready for it again...maybe :). I know how you feel!
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