9 months ago I was checked into the hospital having some lame contractions and being in pain and..
I already forget it... I wonder how that is possible since it was a pretty big deal, and yet all I remember are funny little things like being in shock of how abnormally large my room was (I was in a wheelchair accessible room) and how uncomfortable my IV was at first. I don't remember calling anyone after the baby was born or getting cleaned up or what I did while the baby was in the nursery. I wish I had kept a better record of it and written down even more than I did. All I remember is that fat little face looking up at me and I swear making eye contact and a perfect little body with the most beautiful eyes and lips. I will have a million babies if they are as beautiful as my miley. There are no words to describe how absolutely perfect I find her to be. Perfect.
Tonight She woke up with a disgusting diaper and screamed bloody murder until I finally went in to check on her. After a quick diaper change I rocked her in the rocking chair and she fell right back to sleep and I just held her... and remembered sitting in a hospital bed dreaming about what her little face would look like and whether or not I could love her instantly. I can tell you this, I was not prepared for how much love a heart could hold. Real, undefinable love, similar yet different to the love I have for my husband. Rather than my heart being split between the two most important people in my life ( like I was afraid it would) it was more like my heart was doubled. I loved her so so immensely. Her existence alone has altered so many aspects of my life, I want to be the best example I can and I am daily trying to improve so that I will be able to show her what to do rather then tell her. I love that 18 months ago she turned me into a selfless ( well trying to be) Mommy. Its nothing, everything, and exactly, what I have dreamed of throughout my entire life and I am so completely in love with mothering.
Oh but its SO hard ha ha don't forget that.
2 comments:
Beautiful!! Getting me all excited!
This post made me so excited! When I get scared, I keep telling myself that lots of people have had a baby and they all survived and said it was worth it. :) Thanks for sharing.
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